You and your girlfriend still get into knock-out, throw-down shouting matches at parties then make up later the following day…only to have the same fight again and again. You and your boyfriend don’t talk about anything, apart from what you’re going to eat for dinner that night. Are these healthy and mature relationships? Probably not.
So what does a mature relationship look like? Well, it looks like enduring love. Enduring, because it endures the fighting (yes, there is still fighting in a mature relationship ) and because it endures the monotony that may result from being together with one person forevermore (yes, even mature love can grow monotonous).
But how can you tell if your love is enduring? How can you tell if it’s mature or immature? After making note of the following 10 differences between mature and immature relationships, read our article, “How Do You Know If Someone Loves You?” for more inspiration.
1.Mature love is easy; immature love is hard
Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it has to be boring. A mature relationship shouldn’t feel like a ton of work and angst. It should feel like a hot bath that you slip into every night or a cup of coffee that brightens your morning. If it feels more like a cold shower and curdled milk, then your relationship is immature.
- Mature love is relaxed; immature love is obsessive
Do you feel you must text/call your partner every 3-5 minutes to see how their doing? Does spending every waking moment with him/her by your side or in your thoughts help you breathe easier? If so, you’re not likely in a mature relationship. Mature relationships aren’t all-consuming; they enable you to value your partner, while also being passionate about other things in your life.
- Mature love is trusting; immature love is jealous
It’s true that even the most mature partners can feel jealous once in a while, whether the culprit is your work wife/husband or even your same-sex best friends. But in a mature relationship, this jealousy is either self-tamed or discussed openly with your partner. Immature lovers are those who check your texts while you’re in the shower or stalk you under cover of darkness.
- Mature love is drama-free; immature love is a drama queen
Those in mature relationships love smooth sailing, because it allows them to enjoy their partner on the open sea. Immature love creates waves of drama to “keep things interesting,” or simply because it’s too immature to know any better.
- Mature love knows it is lucky; immature love takes itself for granted
To find someone who loves you and someone whom you love in return is like finding a pot gold at the end of the rainbow. Mature love knows this and doesn’t take itself or the relationship for granted. It endeavors to sustain it and looks toward its future together. Immature love lives only in the present and has no idea – or no reason to believe – that it’s lucky.
- Mature love loves you just the way you are; immature love tries to change you
If you’re with a partner who nitpicks every little thing you do or say and demands you to change in dramatic ways, then you’re not with someone who loves you for who you are. Although, there is a difference between a partner who wants to see you succeed and meet your potential and one who simply wants to tear you down, the latter is one of immaturity, while the former is one of encouragement and belief in your potential.
- Mature love is fulfilling; immature love leaves you wanting
If you find yourself feeling your partner isn’t “good enough” for you or that they’re lacking in some significant way, then you aren’t in a mature relationship. You’re in one where you’ll always be looking at others with envy.
- Mature love fights fairly; immature love bickers and calls names
Yes, you’ll still fight in a mature relationship, but you’ll fight like adults, not like toddlers, throwing tantrums. You’ll listen and try to empathize with your partner’s point of view. What’s more, you’ll fight while looking in your partner’s eyes, not over social media or text.
- Mature love knows itself; immature love has no idea what love is
Not only do those in a mature relationship know who they are, they also know what their love is and how special it is. Immature love doesn’t find the love special or their partner special, likely because one or both partners don’t know who they are or what they want out of life or the relationship.
- Mature love lands on its feet; immature love keeps falling
When you fall in love, you may at first feel like you’re free-falling, whether the relationship is one of maturity or immaturity. But the difference between the two is that one plateaus and allows you to land on your feet – and hopefully to ascend into an idyllic mature relationship – while the other keeps falling until you’re no longer enjoying the fall, descending into pettiness and disdain of your partner. Immature love starts out at the highest height and ends in the deepest depth.